Okay, my title sucks; I apologize. There’s no easy way to summarize my family into one little neat title; part of why I love them so much. 🙂
Anyway, I know that a lot of people ask my mom about the effects of adoption on her “other kids”. (I’m pretty used to being the ‘other’ kid lol. I’m not adopted and healthy; a rarity in my family.) I know that there are a lot of families who don’t adopt children because they are afraid it will mess up, confuse, or negatively affect their kids. I would like to take that myth and throw it into the garbage dump, where it belongs.
If I adopt, my kids won’t get enough of my attention.
This is false, as long as you prepare your kids. Obviously, they are going to have to share your attention with a new little one, and you are going to have to plan your time with your older children around the new child’s schedule. This is exactly the same thing that you would have to do if you had a new baby. The difficulty lies in the fact that, most likely, it will not be a baby; it will be a toddler or even an adolescent. These kids need the same amount of time and energy and attention that a baby needs. An orphaned child never received the attention that a child would have in a family. Because of this, you end up with a 4-6 year old who will start at infant stages of development and work his way up. This means he’ll need rocked and swaddled like a baby, then he will need to learn “no” like a toddler, and he’ll need to learn social rules- no jumping or climbing on people, no running away from people, etc. It can be hard for anyone who will be around your new child to understand this; it can be odd to see an 8 year old child acting like a 3 year old child. It’s even more odd when the parents lovingly react the way they would with a 3 year old. Your biological children HAVE to understand that you aren’t letting him “get away” with things; you’re teaching him how to behave. If your kids understand this, you’re going to have a much easier time.
If I adopt, my kids will have to share their belongings.
Someone please tell me where, in the history of ever, this would ever be a bad thing for your children to learn? Yes, they will have to share. Yes, they should already know how to do this. Yes, this is good for them.
Adopting is hard on my biological kids.
Yes, this is entirely true. This is double true if you are adopting a special needs child. Your child’s life will be turned upside down with medications, doctor’s appointments, diagnoses both good and bad. Living with a special needs adopted child is like nothing you’ve ever done before. What you don’t realize is that it is also one of the most beneficial times you children will ever go through. They will learn compassion, love, sympathy, and joy. They will learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them; and that’s okay. They will also have a first-hand account of the tangible representation of God’s saving grace. Just as the parents pick a child, pull her out of her despair, and love her with all their hearts, God picks, saves, and loves us as His children.
Despite everything that’s hard about having my younger siblings- sleepless nights, having to give shots and finger sticks, medicine charts, interesting behavior patterns, and the probability that I will outlive the majority of them- I wouldn’t give up a second of it. All of those hard times have also given me more joy than I ever realized could happen. I have some of the most beautiful, kindhearted, compassionate little people around my house. Every moment I am given to spend with them will be worth the pain later on. That, I think, is the point that many people miss. Pain is inevitable , but the joy and love is completely worth it.
thankfulforthecrazy 